5 Dark Principles of Embodied Masculine Leadership

These are five more entries from my upcoming field guide, 60 Principles of Masculine Embodied Leadership. Here, we're covering some of the more shadowy aspects of a man's journey to fullness.

Enjoy.

EXPECT TO BE CRITICIZED, CONDEMNED, AND JUDGED. ACT ANYWAY.

For years I held myself back from stepping into my power because I was afraid of being judged and criticized by others.

In fact, I would judge others who owned their greatness and put themselves out in the world.

I would find ways to make them wrong or put them down so I didn't have to be with my own fears.

When I finally mustered enough courage to claim who I was and what I wanted, guess what happened?

I was judged.

I was criticized.

I was ridiculed.

But for every one person putting me down, ten people lifted me up.
When a man lives his life in fear of judgement, he is always at the effect of other peoples decision.

Terrified of ruffling feathers, he becomes a shell of a man - subservient to what he thinks other people want from him.
In his effort appease his friends, family, wife, or boss, he negates his truth and sells his soul.

The world does not want to feel your nice guy - they want to feel your power, conviction, and strength.

They want to know that you're willing to shake things up and make some messes in your commitment to truth.

You're a far more respectable man when you know people are going to criticize you and still take action.

Learn how to welcome the judgement.

Embrace the criticism.

Because the bigger game you play, the more there is going to be.

99% of the feedback you will receive is projection.

When a man doesn't have the balls to live his truth, it's confronting to him to see someone that is.

Don't ever let judgement dissuade you from acting on your deepest truth.

The world does not need more cowardly nice guys.

We need men willing to risk it all in order to stand for their truth - no matter what the cost.

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INTEGRATE YOUR SHADOW

All of us have a shadow aspect that influences everything we do.

You're not a whole person without a dark side.

What is your shadow?

It's the unintegrated parts of your psyche.

Maybe it's the part of you that wants to kill.

Or the part of you that wants to overpower and take advantage of others sexually, physically, or emotionally.

If there are thoughts you have that bring up feelings a shame, it's likely a shadow.

When these aspects of our being are suppressed and denied, they end up coming out sideways, sometimes in violent and abusive ways.

If these disowned parts of your psyche aren't honored, accepted, and transmuted, you become a dangerous man.

As they say, what we resists persists.

That's why every man needs to excavate his deepest, darkest thoughts and bring them into the light.

To make the unconscious conscious.

If you want a hint at where your shadows lie, observe your judgements about other people.

Everything that irritates you about others points right back to the parts you haven't integrated yourself.

If you're truly commited to growth, find someone who can lead you through working with your shadow.

Your shadow is your biggest access point to being a fully integrated man.

As Leonard Cohen put it, "There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in."

Go find your cracks.

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YOU CAN'T IGNORE YOUR ANCESTRAL WOUNDS

Most people understand an unconscious man perpetuates the trauma that has been handed down his familial line.

That's why sexual, physical, and emotional abuse is often multi-generational.

When we are unhealed ourselves, we tend to repeat the same patterns that were normalized in our upbringing.

When a man wakes up and realizes the impact of his wounded lineage, he typically makes a vow to do the opposite.

If he was abused, he commits to never abusing others.

If he grew up dirt poor, he's determined to become filthy rich.

And even though these responses to his ancestral wounds are much more noble than simply perpetuating the trauma, they're still just a reaction.

Whether we end up repeating these patterns or doing the exact the opposite, the choices are generated from the same place.

Your parents could have died decades ago, yet their energetic imprint is still influencing everything you do.

Making a choice to "not be" like someone, to live from a rigid and guarded place because you're afraid of repeating a cycle, is not an empowered choice.

This only perpetuates the very cycle you are trying to break - you aren't free of anything.

In order to feel free to choose, you have to set your ancestors free first.

You have to reconcile these relationships.

To practice understanding and forgiveness.

To seek legitimate healing and therapeutic support.

To believe in every fibre of your being that they did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had.

Until you do this, you will always be unconsciously controlled by your family drama.

And no matter how aware you think you are, the cycle will never be broken.

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YOUR GIFTS ARE AT THE CENTER OF YOUR WOUNDS

The average man spends his entire life running from or numbing his wounds.

He is terrified of the darkness within because he believes it will consume and destroy him.

This robs him of freedom, power, and life force - a man can't focus on anything else when running from his pain becomes his full time job.

Running from your wounds is the most selfish thing you can do.

To receive the hardest teachings life has to offer and make it all about yourself doesn't allow you to learn anything from the experience.

When you don't learn from your own experiences, no one else can learn from them either.

An integral man faces his pain courageously.

He dives directly into the depths of his wound.

He knows the only way to work with darkness is by illuminating it with the light of awareness.

The process of going into the underworld and confronting your wounds is a your heroes journey.

In the places where you fear treading most is where your gifts lay dormant, waiting to be activated.

This is how you become the wounded healer.

By diving into these depths, not only are you liberated from your wounds, but you gain the wisdom and knowledge to liberate others from their pain as well...

And that is the deepest gift a man can give to the world.
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DROP EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE YOUR BACK

Life is too short for shitty people.

If the people around you are bringing more drama than peace to your life, more criticism than support, more complaint than gratitude...cut them out.

If you want a high-quality life, you have to be absolutely ruthless with the company you keep.

Notice how you feel after spending time with certain individuals - do they drain more energy than they give you?

Do you feel exhausted whenever you talk to them?

Are they constantly complaining about the same things over and over again without ever doing anything about it?

It's never worth your time and energy to wait for someone to change - it doesn't matter how long you've known them or who they are.

If you remain loyal to toxic people because of made up agreements in your head, that's on you.

I noticed that the more I step into my masculine power, the less patience I have for people's endless drama and vampiric energy.

Find people that challenge you because they want the best for you, not because they want to bring you down.

Don't waste a minute conspiring with other people's drama - if you give them an inch, they will take a mile.

Keep your circle tight-knit and exclusive.

This will free up an incredible amount of time and energy in your life - and create space to meet the right people that will stand behind your vision every step of the way.
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​- Evan