Vision Quest- Finding Freedom In The Face Of Fear

It had been almost two years since I truly challenged myself psychologically. After traveling for 3,5 years, constantly seeking ways to push myself, to dig deeper, to heal more, I graciously welcomed the rest.

However once you learn to listen to the call of the heart, the more difficult it becomes to ignore it. To hear the signs of the universe guiding you towards a higher calling. Gently pushing you further into your edge, further out of your comfort zone.

A ‘vision quest’ was always slightly too far beyond my edge. I had been invited before, however the timing never aligned... or I just wasn’t ready. The thought of spending 4 days alone on a mountain, in silence, without food, and only a sleeping bag was a stretch enough. But doing it without water, was always too much.

I had allowed the fear to take over. To dictate what I ‘can and cannot’ do, based on the belief systems that I inherited from others. Until eventually, I could ignore the signs no more. So under the guidance of Chief Maria Valdivia, one of the most incredibly powerful, yet unbelievably gentle grandmother’s I’ve ever met, on a mountain in Spain, I went beyond my edge.

Surrounded by 35+ people in the temazcal, the last hot stones were bought in and the drums started to beat. The vibration of the chanting and the prayers resonating deep within, and as sweat poured from every orifice, my fear turned to excitement.

After consuming what would be my last cup of water, the quest had officially begun. Out of the sweat lodge, dressed, and with the same sacredness and ritual that has existed in the tradition for hundreds of years, we were led up the mountain.

On a small, un-even, rough and rock-strewn area, enclosed by 365 pre-made prayers of tobacco, rose petal and anise, I was planted. The Chief’s last words: “I’ll see you in 4 days.”

Traditionally, a vision quest is a Native American rite of passage, where a young person is left alone at a sacred site on a mountain. Supported by the elders and the community as he/she fasts for four days and nights. During this time, they pray to the spirits that they may have a vision, one that will help them find their purpose in life, their role in a community, and how they may best serve the People.

I have spent periods of time in isolation before. There isn’t anything I know of that affords you the freedom to create the same amount of space and clarity. To explore not only the darker parts of your consciousness, but the ideas and dreams that have been floating around, patiently waiting to be allocated enough cerebral energy to manifest a potential plan. Deeply immersed in nature and free from the distractions of our everyday lives, free from technology, free from work, free from people, in this case free from food and water. 

Time spent on the mountain is different for everyone. For some, exhausted and depleted, it is full of otherworldly visions. Others are given messages from the animal kingdom, some decide to not go the full distance, and for some it is extremely painful and emotional. It’s hard to put into words the feelings and insights that arose on a personal level over those next days. My journey brought about an immense amount of clarity. Clarity of purpose, clarity of goals and dreams. Deep reflection into my own shadows and past mistakes, as well as a deep understanding of how our fear so easily cripples us and prevents us from achieving our own version of greatness. 

My fear of lack of water was nothing more than a great shadowy dragon, trying to convince me of how shit of an idea this was. Although I would have happily quenched my thirst at any given moment over the course of the four days, or joyfully eaten a warm porridge as the cold mountain air kissed my skin, surprisingly, not at one point over the entire journey was I thirsty or hungry. Feeling fully supported by the tribe at the base of the mountain, who were eating, drinking, and praying for us all.

The mountain certainly isn’t for everyone. Like any powerful medicine that works on multiple dimensions, it is not concerned whether or not your capacity for belief is limited to only those things that can be measured by science. It will well and truly serve you that of which you are in need. Physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, spiritually.

For those that had previously felt called, do yourself and humanity a favour. The depth of healing and evolution you receive by participating in such immensely powerful work, is beyond what I had hoped. It has opened my eyes to a new way of being, and introduced me to a soul family dedicated to helping elevate consciousness on Earth. 

Grateful to hear the call. Grateful to finally have the courage to listen to it.

Aho mitakuye oyasin.